Not having the best day really. I have pretty much lost my job today, Cause I work on the hospital bank I am not actually employed by pathology, and they use me as and when they need me. I managed to get 10 hours a week that fit around college, its not a lot of money but somehow I am making it last. So today I was told that I can no longer work in the labs, they are happy for me to do phlebotomy over the xmas holiday but when I am at college I cant do phlebotomy cause I am not free to work in the morning. So as soon as I go back to college and xmas is over I wont be able to do the hours that I do now, or any phlebotomy hours and I will be unemployed. Sigh Its a real pain, as its not my immediate managers that have made this decision, as far as they are concerned they really need me, its crappy upper management and its all about figures. I dunno maybe it will be for the best, its just a pain, as I am limited as to when I can work because of college. At least I know that I have work for the next month, I am trying not to worry to much as I have exam week next week and I need to focus my energy on that, sigh... I'm tired.

Had some bad news recently, last Thursday our Landlord has served us with an eviction notice, we have 2 months to find a new place to live.

I am so angry, there was no warning, it was a done in a cold manner, we were given no reason at all, they didn't even do it themselves, now we have found out they want the house for someone else. They must have known well in advance but we had no warning. It is even more frustrating because, there has been loads wrong with this house, like the windows falling out and water coming through the ceiling that we have been trying to get sorted out for a long time, I Think that they want rid of us for this as they resent having to spend money on the property even though its upkeep is their responsibility. I know they are within there legal rights to get rid of us.

It just couldn't come at a worse time, I start college in Sept, I am really worried about finding a home that will take us and all our animals (four dogs, 2 geese, many chickens, rabbits, some turkeys, 2 pony's). Its crazy how you can wake up one morning to find your whole life thrown in to turmoil.

I am sure when we find somewhere to live, I will be fine, I just cant help being frightened, and angry as they don't seem to care at all. Sorry to rant, I am just still a bit in shock I think. :-[

Well I got my career development loan sorted this week, so I am definitely going to college in sept, which is exciting. I am really not liking my job and the thought of this has been helping my through, and now I have the loan it really is going to happen. YAY

So happy David news, I had my audition at BIMM last saturday, for the vocal diploma course, and I was offered a place YAY, I am very pleased as this was the reason I came back to the UK early. I was really nervous at the audition, as although I have been to LOADS of auditions in my time, they were mainly acting auditions, and although I have sung professionally many times, I have always felt that because of my lack of musical training I have never been fully confident in my ability.

So I went into the audition and the lady who was was auditioning me was Heidi Berry, who is a well known singer in her own right. She asked me a few questions, I told her that I was learning the harp, then she asked me who was inspiring me vocally at the moment, and I told her mainly Dead Can Dance, which was great as she then told me she had sung with Brendan Perry, so I got to geek out a bit lol. She then tested my ear, by playing two notes at the same time and asking me to pick one out, I got it wrong at first cause I was nervous, but she got me to calm down and then it was no problem. Then she sung a few phrases and I had to sing them back to her, no prob, then we sung twinkle twinkle little star, which was harder than you would think. We sung it three times, the first time together, the second she harmonized with me, and then I had to harmonize with her lol I don't know what the hell I sung but she liked it, she said "it didn't have to be perfect, she just wanted to see if I could do it, and I could".

And finally I had to sing my song, which was "Scar Tissue" by the Red hot chili peppers, and that went really well. She then gave me a bit of constructive criticism, about relaxing more and developing more character in my voice, and told me I was on the course. I mean the criticism was good as its what I have felt, I have never really developed a "sound" cause I have never really know where to go with my voice, so I have always kept my singing a bit generic. That is one of the main reasons I want to do this course, she thinks that through all the gigs I will do and training I will get I will improve. I am very excited. I just have to find the money now, but I am not worried about that. I feel like things are starting to fall into place, I have been working so hard since I got back and finally things are coming to fruition, with the spring, the seeds I have planted are starting to grow. X

If you want to check out the course here is the link:

http://www.bimm.co.uk/brighton/brighton-vocals-music-courses.asp#diploma

Sigh, so I have been working back at the hospital for 3 weeks now, which is good, BUT they have failed to pay me 3rd week in a row!!!! (I am supposed to get payed weekly). I am just tired, I have worked so hard to try and get it all going right, and its been one error after another, I found out last week that I wasn't on the system, I went to the office to talk to someone, and the woman who was dealing with my case had gone on holiday and neglected to enter me on the system before she went, her colleague told me she would call me before the end of the day (which she didn't do) as she was going to find my file and make sure i was entered into the system.

So she didn't call me, I made sure I went back before the end of the day and confronted her, she was a little surprised to see me, as it was obvious she wanted to avoid the situation, and then told me, that they had LOST MY FILE and I would have to wait until the other lady came back of holiday a week later.... urm I don't think so, so I asked her what else she could do, and she got me to fill out some more forms, sigh. OK to cut a long story short, she found the file everything was entered into the system in time for me to get payed this week, happily ever after........NOT

As I said I found out today I haven't been payed again, I couldn't raise anyone on the phone, I phoned payroll, and to cut a long story short, they sent all my details up on the monday as they were supposed to for the deadline for payments to be processed, APART from they forgot to send up my bank details, which were then sent up the next day (after the deadline) which meant I didn't get payed again!!!!

I mean WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, its ok for them to make these errors I mean its not them who are struggling for money and are finding it hard to get by, I am down to my last 5 pounds, thank god for my mother, she has been helping me as and when she can. Payroll said there is nothing that they can do as the system is automated, but I will definitely get payed next week, sigh, but that's another week of struggle I shouldn't have to endure because someone (most likely the same someone) cant do their job.

Part of me wants to make a complaint but the other half is worried if I do then I am shooting myself in the foot, I mean these are the people who deal with my pay. SIGH I don't like to seem like a negative person, its just hard sometimes when you rely on other people do do something and they let you down. I am just tired of the whole thing, I have entered a state of silent acceptance as I will get payed next week and to be honest I just want it all to be over and sorted.

Sigh, so I have been working back at the hospital for 3 weeks now, which is good, BUT they have failed to pay me 3rd week in a row!!!! (I am supposed to get payed weekly). I am just tired, I have worked so hard to try and get it all going right, and its been one error after another, I found out last week that I wasnt on the system, I went to the office to talk to someone, and the woman who was dealing with my case had gone on holiday and neglected to enter me on the system before she went, her colleague told me she would call me before the end of the day (which she didnt do) as she was going to find my file and make sure i was entered into the system.

So she didnt call me, I made sure I went back before the end of the day and confronted her, she was a little suprised to see me, as it was obvious she wanted to avoide the situation, and then told me, that they had LOST MY FILE and I would have to wait untill the other lady came back of holiday a week later.... urm I dont think so, so I asked herwhat else she could do, and she got me to fill out some more forms, sigh. OK to cut a long story short, she found the file everything was entered into the system in time for me to get payed this week, happily ever after........NOT

As I said I found out today I havent been payed again, I couldnt raise anyone on the phone, I phoned payroll, and to cut a long story short, they sent all my details up on the monday as they were supposed to for the deadline for payments to be processed, APART from they forgot to send up my bank details, which were then sent up the next day (after the deadline) which meant I didnt get payed again!!!!

I mean WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, its ok for them to make these errors I mean its not them who are struggling for money and are finding it hard to get by, I am down to my last 5 pounds, thank god for my mother, she has been helping me as and when she can. Payroll said there is nothing that they can do as the system is automated, but I will definantly get payed next week, sigh, but thats another week of struggle I shouldnt have to endure because someone (most likely the same someone) cant do their job.

Part of me wants to make a complaint but the other half is worried if I do then I am shooting myself in the foot, I mean these are the people who deal with my pay. SIGH I dont like to seem like a negative person, its just hard sometimes.

So I haven't posted for ages, I have been focused on making thing happen since I got back to the uk, and this past week (well couple of weeks) has just been a bit crap. I have worked really hard, applying for jobs, auditioning for drama school, sending out mail shots, getting my provisional license (even that seems to be taking forever), etc, and none of it has come to fruition. Just feel like I am beating my head up against a brick wall sometimes, all my good intentions are just not happening. I guess I just need to be patient, that's the answer that has come to me when I have meditated. I think my main frustration is my lack of job, I am supposed to be starting back at the hospital as bank staff (they use me when they need me), and it has been one problem after the other, Its taking forever, because of all the bureaucracy, its so frustrating I REALLY need the money, and they need me there, but it is just taking so long and i am at the point that its not worth looking for another job because ive gone to far with this one, and I just need to start as money is dire. I don't normally rant, I try and keep happy, just right now I feel like I am pissing into the wind and all my plans are being blocked. OK rant over...

I just found a Commercial I did just over a year ago, on youtube, I didn't realize it was online, its a personal fave of mine, please watch and enjoy hehehe

I haven't heard this song for years, in fact I totally forgot about it, and all of a sudden its come back in to my life, and made me think, about the changes I want to make in my life....

I'm very sad to hear about the death of Russ aka rock_bear, I didn't know him well, we spoke a couple of times on-line, but I'm good friends with hantsbear (whom I am worried about), I'm thinking of you Steve and sending all my love and support. X

Just a quick update. I am heading back to the uk, I have had a great time traveling around for a while, but after some soul searching I have decided I want to go back to England and get my life started again. My plan is to start auditioning for Drama schools, I'm gunna do an MA and hopefully launch my career into a new arena, one of my reasons for leaving was to find my love for performing again after struggling in an often soulless industry, I have recaptured the inspiration I was looking for and I think sometimes removing yourself from your life gives you a better perspective, and I know what I want to do now. So I shall be back in England on the 1st of Feb. I have learned so much on my trip, a lot of my questions have been answered and I am so pleased I made this journey, I am now on to my next journey and I am interested to see what life has in store for me next.

Its been a while since I updated my journal, I am currently in Boston in the USA things are going cool, I am staying here for a while. I had a good time in Canada Traveled around a bit, I have been in Toronto, Niagra falls, Calgary, and up to a lake in BC called the Shuswap which was great. I just celebrated my first thanksgiving which was fun, Lots of food hehehehe and life is developing in strange new ways. I have a cold so I'm just taking it easy today, I will update again soon, when there are new things to report.

so the first pic is me with Toronto laid out behind me, then its me and two of the other guys doing the work Canada program, Keith and Sally, we are on the glass bottom floor in the CN tower, showing that we aren't afraid, then its me with the floor many many feet below lol.

Well im here, day one, its all a bit trippy and im a bit jet lagged. I have my orientation this morning at 11 so im sure that will give me a better idea of what is to come, but im here, im safe.

Wow I haven't posted for ages, so here is an update. I'm off to Canada on the 19th September so that is very close now which is exciting, I have been working lots to save as much money as I can. I handed my notice in last week, its effective from the 12th, which is exciting, as of Sunday I only have a month to go at work.

It was my birthday on monday, 26 doesn't feel any different lol I got some things for my trip and some money which is always helpful. So now its just about being patient, I cant wait to go lol its strange as the date gets nearer it seems further away, So I am planning things I want to do and places I want to go, I'm sure it will be fantastic.

Happy summer solstice one and all, have a great day X